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The house you grew up in, with the big backyard and sprawling layout over multiple stories, was a perfect childhood haven.
But with multiple rooms to clean and stairs to navigate, it might now be a problem for your folks to maintain. And maybe you feel the clock ticking for that inevitable day when caring for a big home becomes too much stress for your parents—or worse, somehow causes an accident.
Persuading your parents (or anyone you care about) to downsize while they are still physically mobile and cognizant is not always easy to do. There are many decisions to make that may seem overwhelming, starting with what possessions to keep, what to toss, and where to move next.
“The most challenging aspect of selling is emotionally disconnecting from a home,” says Corey Tyner, a real estate investor and founder of Buy Yo Dirt. “Holding on to such feelings can lead to plenty of errors. In addition, emotions can lead to poor judgments ranging from overpricing to underpricing and driving potential customers away.”
So while it might be tough to get your loved ones to start the downsizing process, you can (usually) achieve it with tactful conversation backed up by a little careful legwork. So read on for ways to kick-start these tricky, but necessary, conversations.
Start with safety and health concerns
“Stairs can be anything from a physical workout to a painful minute to seniors, and large houses tend to have these stairs,” says Paul Stein, CEO of Trusted House Painter. “It is usually a good argument to present to seniors that living on a single floor can minimize their chances of injury and even benefit their health.”
Another concern for older adults: living far from relatives where visits are few and far between. Infrequent visits can mean a parent’s health problem or issue with the home’s condition might go unnoticed.
“Family members might not be informed about mold formations or falls that could leave older people vulnerable without access to phone or other help,” says Anthony Martin, CEO and founder of Choice Mutual, a life insurance agency in Reno, NV. “And being too far from relatives or friends can create mental health issues like depression when they don’t have consistent social interactions.”
How to talk about the issue: Involve your parents in the conversation by asking a series of questions.
Dannelle Gay, founder of TheyAreGettingOld.com, a resource for life with aging parents, provides a checklist to help determine when it’s time to move. She recommends asking the following questions:
- Is the house easy to adapt for an older person with mobility issues (e.g., adding a ramp)?
- Can handrails, elevated toilet seats, and grab bars be added to the home?
- Is there room to maneuver for an older person with a walker or scooter?
- If the house is more than one story, are the owners still managing the stairs?
“If those are a ‘no,’ then that should be the first trigger to start looking at assisted living or moving to a smaller home with one level,” says Gay.
Discuss financial goals
Next, go over the existing home’s upkeep cost and calculate the potential savings of downsizing.
Martin suggests drilling down the exact savings, rather than a general number, to help parents truly understand how much they are spending maintaining a too-big home.
A smaller home means there will be less space to heat and cool (lower utility bills) and less generally to repair (maintenance fees are among a home’s hidden costs).
And don’t feel you have to calculate all these numbers by yourself, which can be overwhelming.
“I suggest calculating savings by conferring with a financial planner and reviewing associated costs of alternate properties,” says Michael Kelczewski of Kurfiss Sotheby’s International Realty in New Hope, PA.
Of course, not all smaller homes will cost less. A new location might mean a higher cost of living and homeowners association fees, even if mortgage payments and property taxes might be less. So be sure to look at the whole picture regarding finances.
How to talk about the issue: If you used a financial planner, you might just want to bring the pro along to a discussion with your parents. It may be easier for older folks to hear facts and figures from a professional rather than their child.
A financial adviser may persuade stubborn homeowners to downsize by pointing out how the savings will allow them to focus on other financial goals.
“It can leave more in their budget to spoil their grandchildren, travel, or take on a hobby,” says Martin.
Make time for emotional concerns
Change is difficult, especially the older you get. So it’s essential to help a parent let go of a house emotionally.
“Think of anyone who spent their entire lives inside a house,” says Kelczewski. “Emotions tend to be very strong when considering retirement or (moving into) a final property. I operate very tactfully when representing downsizers. My goal is simply to act as a guide.”
Sorting through possessions can be as emotionally exhausting as letting go of a home. So frame the move as an opportunity to get rid of stuff.
“When it’s time to downsize, people want to declutter,” says Alexa Coppola of Coldwell Banker Realty in Ridgewood, NJ, who works with older clients and their families and earned a Seniors Real Estate Specialist designation. “They will be able to have a fresh start with only the items they truly need and use.”
How to talk about the issue: Start with the positives of decluttering, like safety issues.
“All that excess paper—think greeting cards from 20 years ago—is an invitation for crawly critters as well as a fire hazard,” says Gay. “Look at everything with that kind of lens, and the piles will vanish faster than you would think.”
Frame getting rid of stuff as a chance for loved ones to spend time together and have a fun interaction. And suggest to reluctant declutterers that they can hold on to a version of the clutter.
“I always suggest taking photos or videos of the item and letting them document the story behind the memory,” says Deborah Bacarella of Elite Florida Real Estate in Boca Raton, FL. “Then it is much easier to let go.”
Finally, reward decluttering with a shopping trip.
“It might be time for new sheets or towels, things that they’ll discover are well past their normal life cycle but have been hung on to,” says Gay. “Those linens might be from the bridal shower 40 years ago.”
Bring in a senior real-estate specialist
Many real estate professionals are trained in finding new homebuying opportunities for older folks. And many baby boomers may be pleasantly surprised to learn they have an edge in the current seller’s market. In 2021, 43% of sellers were baby boomers, and the average median profit was a cool $66,000 for all home sellers.
An agent will be able to explain the pluses of selling and offer help finding the perfect new right-sized home.
“Having a skilled real estate agent on your side to discuss alternatives is a fantastic idea,” says Tyner of Buy Yo Dirt. “All you have to do now is trust that your parents make the best decision possible.”
Don’t give up
Asking your parents to commit to a significant lifestyle change likely won’t happen in one conversation, but it will be an ongoing process. The topic might first be introduced at a holiday meal only to be returned to repeatedly. That’s OK. Ideas need time to simmer—including the prospect of making a significant move.
The post How To Persuade Your Parents To Downsize (It Can Be Done!) appeared first on Real Estate News & Insights | realtor.com®.